Wednesday, June 2, 2010

DDF ~ A Rescuers Answering Machine

I can't remember if I've posted this already or not but since I can't find it when I search through my posts, that leads me to believe that I have not. I did not write it but I am crossposting it so we can all enjoy. Please click "Read More" to read the entire post.


Hello: You have reached ___-____, Tender Hearts Rescue. Due to the

high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to

the following options and choose the one that best describes you or

your situation:


Press 1 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has

suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home

right away.


Press 2 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your

150 pound, 8-year-old dog.


Press 3 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of

your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a

baby and dogs at the same time.


Press 4 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having

problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.


Press 5 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and

cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.


Press 6 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY

and pick up the dog you no longer want.


Press 7 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the

last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your



Press 8 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need the money

for your vacation.


Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is not

active and is going to outlive you.


Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for

their elderly dog because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.


Press 14 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up

before I have to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way

to work.


Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know

you have left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is

in fact, better than just leaving the dog with no message.


Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to

take your dog that you have had for fifteen years, because it is

not our responsibility.


Press 17 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old dog

to be euthanized because I won't take it.


Press 18 if you're going to get angry because the volunteers had the

audacity to go on vacation and leave the dogs in care of a trusted

volunteer who is not authorized to take your personal pet.


Press 19 if you want one of our PERFECTLY trained, housebroken, kid

and cat friendly purebred dogs that we have an abundance of.


Press 20 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight

aggression problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your

neighbor's cats.


Press 21 if you have already called once and been told we don't take

personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this

time with a different answer.


Press 22 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to

board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge,

of course.


Press 23 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to

deliver an eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before

your kids wake up.


Press 24 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby

bunny for Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.


Press 25 if you want us to take your female dog who has already had

ten litters, but we can't spay her because she is pregnant again and

it is against your religion.


Press 26 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel

bad and take your personal pet off your hands.


Press 27 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because

it is declawed, but you are not willing to accept the responsibility

that the cat's behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.


Press 28 if your two year old male dog is marking all over your house

but you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.


Press 29 if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling

because she is suddenly pregnant.


Press 30 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and

have had no success but you don't want to crate the dog because it

is cruel.


Press 31 if you didn't listen to the message asking for an evening

phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are

also working and you are angry because no one called you back.


Press 32 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because

today is your daughter's birthday and you forgot when she was born.


Press 33 if your dog's coat doesn't match your new furniture and you

need a different color or breed.


Press 34 if your new love doesn't like your dog and you are too

stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next

month anyway) instead of the dog.


Press 35 if you went through all these 'options' and didn't hear

enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being

shed by one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog

while the vet mercifully frees him from the grief of missing his



> ~Author Unknown, but much appreciated


giantspeckledchihuahua said...

Yeah, that about covers the ignorance. Although, I am sure some fool will think of something more outrageous if we just give them time

GoLightly said...

hey, the latest thing I've heard, is that the shelters are IMPORTING animals, why, so they can make even MORE money!

Imported, from other countries.
Thousands and thousands of dogs, being imported from who knows where.


Calsidyrose said...

Oh, yes. I have heard all these options, and a few more.

GoLightly said...

I find it sickening that so many people are NOT allergic to kittens and puppies, and only miraculously develop the allergy when the animal grows up into a cat or dog...

dogs in the Middle East said...

It is really sad some people buy dogs just for fun, but they don't feel responsible... How can some people be so careless?

Anonymous said...

You know, the upside is that I now have several very best friends (4 legged) and did not pay a breeder the exhorbitant ransome/commission dollars.

Don't you just hate the ones that say MUST GO TODAY!

OldMorgans said...

Yep, that covers a lot of the shit.